youre lurking in front of me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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