how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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