Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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