so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
