I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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