Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
