i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
