I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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