I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
