We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
