I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
