Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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