At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
