i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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