Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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