party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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