I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
