the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
