In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Shame is for Republicans.
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