When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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