my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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