I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
