True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
