ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
