I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
