Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
