I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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