How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
