he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
