She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
