You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
