I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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