I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
