Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
