Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
