dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
