im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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