just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
