Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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