drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
