Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
