i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
