In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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