I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
