How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
