I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
