thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
