i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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