i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
