3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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