Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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